Years following harassment I am still distracted by old unresolved hurt. I’m asking God this holiday season to help me change my thoughts from the negative pattern of thinking that formed out of crime back to the positive, confident internal voice that is naturally me.
When the bad thoughts or memories arise, I take control by thinking of things that are good and worthy. Things like my children’s health, my future plans, God’s goodness and knowing that he has and will take care of the harm in all areas of my life. As positive thoughts flow, I am immediately distracted. Something I need to do pops into my mind, my right side goes numb, or it feels heavy.
This battle begins every time I attempt to rise above the old damage to reach who I am intended to be. For years, I haven’t been able to write, read or pray effectively.
In a vision once Jesus handed me a pen. Then, years later while I was standing in a Christian bookstore He asked me, “Where is yours?” meaning where is the book of my conversion. I believe it’s time for me to write once more. It’s time to open up my journals and tell the story that has for so long been the largest part of my existence.
The last time I went to Reconciliation my penance was to write my own song of praise to the Lord. Well, Jesus, this is the beginning.